Should We Fuck First?

Ah, the dating game. It seems so simple on the surface—but are we actually playing it right?

We all know the rules. You start at home base, waiting for the perfect pitch. You meet someone: they’re attractive, interesting, there’s a spark. That’s the first ball. You swing—you ask them out. It’s either a strikeout, or you make it to first base: phone numbers exchanged, maybe a plan for a drink or dinner.

From there, the game unfolds. Time, effort, money—spent to figure out if this person is worth advancing around the bases. A kiss. A little more intimacy. Touch above the waist, then below. And finally, the fabled “home run.”

But what if we’ve been playing this all wrong?

I recently read a book where a character built intimacy in a strange but effective way: she’d rub someone’s whole body upon meeting them. Odd? Definitely. But in her world, it fast-tracked trust.

It got me thinking—why are we so committed to this slow-motion choreography of first base, second base, third base, home?

What if instead of working our way around the diamond, we just went straight to home plate?

Hear me out…I’m not suggesting skipping connection altogether. Chemistry matters. But consider this:

• What if we kissed sooner rather than later?

• What if we had sex first instead of last?

Think about how many times people dance around for months—only to discover the sex is awful, mismatched, or nonexistent.

Maybe they’re a bad kisser, and that’s a dealbreaker for you. Maybe they can’t get it up. Maybe they’re way too rough, way too timid, or just not into what you need. Maybe you’re a “mind fuck” person and they’re strictly a “body fuck.”

Why wait months—or even years—just to find out you’re sexually incompatible?

If we slid into home base earlier, we’d know the potential right away. No time wasted, no energy burned on someone who will never meet you in the most intimate place.

Of course, this idea didn’t hit me ramdomly. It came to me on my porch, drinking wine, laughing with my best friend about sexual “situationships.” But sometimes, those are the best thought experiments.

So I’ll ask the question outright:

Should we fuck first?